Coping with Disability and Sexuality
One of the primary issues that men who have suffered a disability of sorts whether through injury or disease is that they suffer from a loss and reduction in their sexual libido, as well as an increase in anxiety concerning their relative performance.
Concerned that they have become a burden to their partner, and worried that their partner will become tired and resentful of them, disabled males seek to over-compensate in their sexual ability to compensate for other areas in their life.
One of the most troubling things about this is issue is that males suffer in silence; refusing to talk about their feelings and confide in their partner, they allow the issue to fester in their mind. Already this poses a problem because, the cornerstone upon which a healthy and mutually beneficial sexual relationship is trust and communication.
If we cannot express how we feel and what we want from our partner, then how can we hope to make progress?
The following is intended as an overview of some of the practical steps that a couple can make use of in order to overcome some of the challenges that may arise with the disability experienced by the male.
Focus on the whole of the body
A common misconception is that good, pleasurable sexual intercourse will focus solely and exclusively upon the genital organs of the partners. However, there are a number of different parts of the body that are erogenous zones, meaning that when stimulated, will provide a significant amount of pleasure to the recipient.
Therefore, if the sensitivity of certain parts of your partner’s body is reduced/non-existent, then focus your sensual energies elsewhere around their anatomy.
Compliment them on their appearance, and their physique. The prostate gland located within the rectum and the anal sphincter is a highly sensitive area that has many nerve endings; stimulation of this area whether orally, digitally or with a toy of some kind is very pleasurable indeed.
The nipples, earlobes and the nape of the neck are also sensitive areas that will respond favourably to stimulation of any sort.
Try alternative methods of intimacy and sexual intercourse
Experimenting and improvising can be an excellent way to ensure that a mutually pleasurable sexual experience is enjoyed by both partners. If your male partner is wheelchair bound then performing fellatio on your knees or whilst he lies on the bed will make it easier for him to enjoy the experience without worrying about your safety and comfort.
Making use of different positions and accessories (such as pillows, cushions, chairs and stools) will also make it far easier for the achievement of a good sexual experience.
Be patient and empathetic
Males who suffer from disability of any sort will typically feel powerless, emasculated and unconfident; make sure that you take the time to reassure them that you find them sexually attractive and appealing, and that you relish spending time with them.
If they have to take medication which may inhibit or otherwise have a detrimental effect on their sexual performance then you may wish to consider the possibility of scheduling sex to accommodate this.
Remember: it is absolutely essential that you approach such issues with sensitivity and tact. By all means, make alternative provisions and modify certain sexual activities/practises if they pose too severe a degree of discomfort/pain for your male partner; but never do so at the expense of their feelings and pride.
Just because they happen to be disabled does not make them any less human or entitled to be treated in the same way as an able-bodied person; and there is no surer way to kill an otherwise romantic and erotic evening by treating them like an invalid.
