Overcoming Guilt for Being With a New Sexual Partner After Bereavement
Bereavement maybe one of the unfortunate realities and truisms of human existence; regrettably however that does not make it any easier to contend or cope with and sadly, people will often find that they are robbed of a second chance at life simply due to the narrow-minded assertions of their peers.
Many people who have had to contend with a spouse or intimate partner who has died, whether unexpectedly, as a consequence of a terminal illness of some sort or in an accident, will find themselves deeply confused and conflicted about moving on with their lives. For many, the mere notion of falling in love and being intimate with another person is a step that is simply too far for them to comfortably bridge.
Unfortunately, family members whether extended or immediate, can also exacerbate the situation and further increase the tension and guilt experienced by the survivor. They may feel that it is unfair and inappropriate of the survivor partner to find a new sexual partner, as if in doing so, they are somehow sullying the memory of the deceased partner.
Ultimately, the final decision as to whether a surviving spouse wishes to strike up a new, intimate and sexual relationship with another person is entirely up to them and one that they should be entitled to make of their own free will and accord. With that caveat dispensed however, it is equally important to appreciate that if the decision is made, it must be done for the right reasons.
In the first instance, it is imperative to separate a genuine attraction to another person with a desire to numb the pain of loss by simply substituting one significant person for another. This so called “rebound” effect may provide some temporary and short-lived relief but ultimately, will cause a significant degree of harm for both partners involved.
If you have experienced bereavement and are worried about the reaction of your family when you advise them that you intend to find a new relationship then it maybe worthwhile to actually pre-empt the situation and ensure that you approach the issue directly, diplomatically and empathetically.
Reassure your family that your decision and desire to find a new relationship is not intended to forget about the deceased partner and that they will always be cherished. This is an issue that is especially acute within children, who feel that the loss of a parent and then the subsequent introduction of an additional parent into the mix is the ultimate betrayal.
Unfortunately, you will need to resign yourself to the very distinct possibility that there will be some hostility, at least, initially. Make sure that when the time is right, that you actually allow your family to meet the new partner. Some people will go to great lengths to avoid this crucial step in the process, fearful and concerned that doing so will simply garner a more negative and belligerent response.
It is only by meeting your partner that your family will finally begin to appreciate and recognise them as a human being, rather than an abstract concept that they can vilify.
Grief counselling and the pursuit of new hobbies and the like will also provide significant progress in the right direction: providing much needed self-esteem and happiness to an otherwise damaged ego.
